baths

[tom.d.stiller]

baths
to the memory of W.E.S. (1906 - 1975)

her last bath alone
was painful but dignified
by spring's rising sun

mother many times
scrubbed her back behind closed doors
all through that summer

her breasts were bags of
rotten peaches i washed the
legs: autumnal twigs

the next who bathed her
worked at the funeral home
cleaned her for winter

t.d.s. 2003

[lizzytysh]

Dear Tom ~

I don't even know how to respond to this most graphic, most simple, most touching poem of W.E.S.'s final baths.

~ Elizabeth

[Pete]

Tom
I presume this refers to your grandmother, who you referred to in 'Those nights' thread.

I also presume by writing this that it has helped what you described earlier.

Thanks for sharing. I can identify with some of your descriptions.

regards
Pete

[Robert]

Thanks, Tom.
Simply.....profoundly......beautiful.

[lizzytysh]

You took her through the seasons and into the winter of her life. So simply, and as Robert says, so profoundly......so beautifully.

[LaurieAK]

Hi Tom~ Your poem is very touching. Seasons, what a loaded concept, used so beautifully here. I have a habit (good or bad?) of noting the line end words of poems. If you don't mind my making a suggestion, if on the 3rd stanza the lines ending with: "bags" and "washed" it would fit into what i think is a 'behind the literal' bonus of a poem in itself.
Starting with:

alone
dignified
sun

And ending with:

her
home
winter.

Your poem is complete and lovely as is...this is just my idiosyncrasy talking.
Thanks for sharing. Regards, Laurie

[tom.d.stiller]

baths
to the memory of W.E.S. (1906 - 1975)

her last bath alone
was painful but dignified
by spring's rising sun

mother many times
scrubbed her back behind closed doors
all through that summer

her breasts were sad bags
of rotten peaches i washed
her legs: autumn twigs

the next who bathed her
worked at the funeral home
cleaned her for winter

t.d.s. 2003

---------
Thank you all for attentively listening to my 68 syllables.

I have changed the 3d haiku along the lines of what Laurie pointed out. (No, Laurie, this wasn't just your "idiosyncrasy talking"... The last words of the lines should carry more meaning than "of" or "the" could transport. Thank you for your most valuable hint.)

Yes, Pete, this refers to my grandmother, and only after deciding on a very strict formal rule could i keep control of the multitude of possible images. Four haikus completing the circle of one year, each 5/7/5 syllables, each with the season reference in the third line - this formal skeleton excluded enough different approaches to her drawn dying. Other aspects, other images, other feelings will eventually find their way out by finding the adequate structure...

Tom