Haiku Corner.

This is for your own works!!!
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lizzytysh
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Re: Haiku Corner.

Post by lizzytysh »

Hi Jimbo ~

I'm not the expert, that's for sure :shock: . I know that as I was reading them and tried to write a few, I found both very relaxing. I still do. You're creating both interesting and lovely images. Keep going and just know you're being read. A new and difficult form is not likely to come together quickly or easily for anyone. Since you've posed the question, though, I hope someone who knows something about haiku will answer.

Some of them feel bulky or awkward somehow, but I can't figure out why... the number of syllables? I've counted and that's not it. Perhaps, some of the words need to be more incidental words of moving it along or connecting the others, rather than each one being so 'packed'? It seems that punctuation in the midst of lines probably don't belong. I don't know, really. And, for all I know, they may be exactly right :lol: .

I still feel the same, though, that you ought to keep doing them. Good heavens... I remember writing something about earthworms and fishing, when I tried them :shock: :roll: . And the result was NOT very poetic, at all :lol: ! ANY kind of poetry, much less haiku.


~ Lizzy
"Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken."
~ Oscar Wilde
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jimbo
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Re: Haiku Corner.

Post by jimbo »

Yes Liz I think the punctuation should not be there..and they should flow more easy painting a picture of a vivid moment

in time connecting with nature.its like a form of medition. yougo there in your mind and relax and live it...
shuting out the real world were in.I will try harder to moro.create an illusion.the best example Ifound here is the butterfly one..
and some say here that the 5-7-5 format dosent matter.just as long as it is brief.Leonards one is over 4 lines and he is the Master?

picturesque valley
set fire bv golden sunset
darkness drops to

good morning jimbo
love is not forgotten......
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damellon
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Re: Haiku Corner.

Post by damellon »

HI Jimbo

Is your avatar inspired by Jimmy McCarthy's bright blue rose?
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.

from Wild Geese
Mary Oliver
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jimbo
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Re: Haiku Corner.

Post by jimbo »

no Idid not see his rose. my story is my x was Rose but for me she was slways red.
so if i find a rose again she wil be cobalt blue....

why dont you try a haiku................

regards jimbo
love is not forgotten......
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lizzytysh
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Re: Haiku Corner.

Post by lizzytysh »

my story is my x was Rose
but for me she was slways red.
so if i find a rose again
she wil be cobalt blue....

why dont you try a haiku................
... just wanted to do that :) .

The eagle and the singing bird one stuck with me, Jimbo. I thought about it on the way in to work. The glitch for me was that I didn't know if eagles kill other, smaller birds for prey. It's a very dynamic visual. I like the way you ended it with ".nature," as that's the lesson I'm always trying to teach myself when I watch nature programs. I wish all the animals, bird, mammals, and fish were vegetarian, but that's just not the case. Nature. If they were, though, I might be lamenting the screaming of plants :wink: and wishing all creatures were breathairians [can't recall the exact term, but it seems to be relegated to those highly-evolved few who are able to exist on breathing air alone. Not particularly peaceful on your eagle/singing bird one, though; and now I'm wondering if being peaceful is a prereq of haikus. See how much I don't know about it :lol: ?

Please keep writing them. Maybe I'll get out a couple books on them and see what they have to say. I had to laugh out loud at the ones I wrote when I tried. In the scheme of things, nothing short of ridiculous :roll: . The only thing I could say for myself was "I tried."

I don't think Leonard would be considered a Master of haiku... even though he appears to have dabbled in it. The other ones that Andrew mentioned [other than Leonard and himself] are considered Masters in it, though.


~ Lizzy
"Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken."
~ Oscar Wilde
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damellon
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Re: Haiku Corner.

Post by damellon »

Jimbo,

I'm trying...

Cobalt blue palette
instead of ultramarine
will paint a skyscape
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.

from Wild Geese
Mary Oliver
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lizzytysh
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Re: Haiku Corner.

Post by lizzytysh »

Okay, Jimbo and Damellon ~

I see I'm going to have to give it another ol' college try 8) . Don't laugh, though. I'll try to stay away from earthworms :roll: .

Well, there ya go... Googled eagles prey and this is what I found at kwic / pagodavista. I've thought of them in terms of the other creatures [well, not turtles... but I guess that might depend on their size], but just never other birds:
Eagles prey on such small animals as fish, rodents, birds, snakes, turtles and rabbits. They have very sharp eyesight and hunt while soaring high in the air or watching from a high perch. The eagles swoop down at great speed to make the kill with their powerful talons. With talons and beak they pull apart a prey that is too heavy to carry. Sometimes they steal the catch of other birds, such as Ospreys and Herons. The eagle's nest, or aerie, is high in a tree or on a rocky ledge where it cannot be reached by other animals. This precaution is necessary because young eagles remain helpless for a long period. Although once abundant, some eagles are becoming rare and face extinction.
From peregrinefund.org, this:
DIET: Golden Eagles prey mostly upon medium-sized rodents, rabbits, and hares, but also on birds, especially game birds, reptiles, and carrion.

~ Lizzy
"Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken."
~ Oscar Wilde
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lizzytysh
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Re: Haiku Corner.

Post by lizzytysh »

Shadows into night
long ago now remembered
Cat sits in stillness.

[Okay... after all of the below... how about... ]:

Shadows in moonlight
long ago now remembered
Crouching cat hiding

OR

Shadows in moonlight
long ago now remembered
Crouching cat hidden


Yes, I know... this needs work :? . I noticed my long shadow last night, whilst outside calling my cat. All at once, I remembered the romance of shadows cast at night. Then, I discovered that my cat was at about my shadow's waist. I thought how I wanted to write something about my fond memories of shadows at nighttime. Just now, I realized that I could perhaps use at least the idea in a haiku. A haiku attempt. One of the problems with it I think is that, absent an explanation, the image is clear only to me :? .


Shadows into night
long ago now remembered
Cat sitting concealed.


Shadows into night
long ago now remembered
Stillness conceals cat.


Shadows into night
long ago now remembered
Stillness reveals cat.


Hmmm. Maybe the last one?



~ Lizzy

Still trying...

Shadows into night
long ago now remembered
Hidden cat revealed.


Shadows into night
long ago now remembered
Crouching cat revealed.


Shadows into night
long ago now remembered
Crouching cat hidden.


Shadows into night
long ago now remembered
Crouching cat hiding.


Shadows in moonlight
[with all the other endings]


Shadows from moonlight
[with all the other endings]

Shadows into night
long ago now remembered
Black cat found crouching.

Shadows in moonlight
long ago now remembered
Black cat found crouching.

Shadows into night
long ago now remembered
Find black cat crouching.
Last edited by lizzytysh on Fri Aug 24, 2007 2:55 am, edited 2 times in total.
"Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken."
~ Oscar Wilde
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jimbo
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Re: Haiku Corner.

Post by jimbo »

- A prayer-

DO not be afraid
You are not alone
I am with you always

kneeling in silence
in the Chapel
of love

Hot apple blossom
bath surrounded by
scented candles.

two bodies trembling
seeking kisss;s to
quell their burning fire.

warm naked bodies
caressing in waterfall
of love it self.



Ithink I am
getting fecking
worse.

regards jimbo
Last edited by jimbo on Thu Aug 23, 2007 9:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
love is not forgotten......
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lizzytysh
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Re: Haiku Corner.

Post by lizzytysh »

Nah, you're not getting worse... getting more sensual though :wink: .

In your one about the bath, I might say "surrounded by," but "with" may be more accurate. I'd change "hot" to "warm."

The first two don't seem to include nature, unless you're doing it from the perspective of G~d being nature.

Your kneeling one makes me want to break into the old 50s song... "In the Chapel of Love... Oh, we're going to the chapel... and we're gonna get may-ay-ay-reed... " :)

The burning fire is a metaphorical of the nature's element of fire.

Your last one is very sensuous.


~ Lizzy
"Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken."
~ Oscar Wilde
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damellon
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Re: Haiku Corner.

Post by damellon »

You're funny Jimbo. How about making a haiku out of ' I think I am getting fecking worse etc,etc.? Go on, give it a try.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.

from Wild Geese
Mary Oliver
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lizzytysh
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Re: Haiku Corner.

Post by lizzytysh »

:lol: :lol: You're funny, too, Damellon... yeah, though, Jimbo, give it a try 8) !


~ Lizzy
"Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken."
~ Oscar Wilde
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jimbo
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Re: Haiku Corner.

Post by jimbo »

well Ionly like
warm baths with a
hot fecking woman.

cause that would make
the fecking water
hot.

and the hotter
the water its
the worse I fecking' get.

and with two fecking
woman the fecking water
would over flow.


Hows that for connecting with nature...............
love is not forgotten......
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lizzytysh
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Re: Haiku Corner.

Post by lizzytysh »

I was so innocent 'til I joined this Forum :wink: .


~ Lizzy
"Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken."
~ Oscar Wilde
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damellon
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Re: Haiku Corner.

Post by damellon »

It's amazing!!! - I love it!!. Not sure of the poetic value but, feck it anyway. Keep going Jimbo, you're on a roll.

No, you weren't, Lizzy
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.

from Wild Geese
Mary Oliver
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