Some crappy poems

[~greg]

Are you adding all of the writers on that video to the crap list here?

Not exactly. Compare and contrast was more what I had in mind.
~~
Only God can create real crap.
We are but His broken vessels.
~~

God knows,
~greg

[Sue]

Fascinating topic.
Would you contribute a poem of your own Sue?

Alas, among my crappy poems none has this precise subject matter. The oral tradition gives us Dan, Dan the Lavatory Man of course, but it's rather dull. Do you know a computer game called Janitor Dan the Spaceman? He spends his life cleaning space stations and this often involves unblocking toilets with a plunger - I wondered if Dan the Lavatory Man was the inspiration for the character. Not wishing to disappoint I'm appending a less well known traditional rhyme - it's a song in fact and I've broken up the lines and added stress marks, à la Gerard Manley Hopkins, in an attempt to show how it should be delivered for best effect. I don't know the name of the tune that goes with it.

There once was a fármer
who sat on a ríck
ranting and ráving
and waving his
stíck at some people
who sat on his wálls
teaching young children
to play with their
bóws and their arrows
and weapons of wár
'till along came a woman
who looked like a
décent young woman
who walked like a dúck
who said she'd invented
a new way to
éducate young children
to read and to wríte while
down in the cowshed
they shovelled the
cóntents of the cowshed
from the back to the front
while the milkmaid
sat counting the hairs
on her cówstails
and cowstails
are nine inches long
if you think this song's
dirty you're fúcking
well wrong