Daddy's Little Princess.

[Violet]

.. my love, how are you?

traveling.. (I imagine)

.. to

Atlanta. [I just wiki'd it, and realize I spelled "capital" incorrectly in an earlier post] [.. I had 'capitol'.. which is the Whitehouse..

(sigh)

.. what else. Oh, I just tweeted your tour again. Sometimes a tweet occurs to me that I just can't resist. [okay, this is only my fourth tweet]

Actually, my third tweet was to Dick Cavett. [yeah] However, I don't think he tweets anymore. Yes, it seems he tweeted once about six months ago, and hasn't tweeted since.

.. then again, those who tweeted his first tweet lacked "tweet finesse." [something I'm attempting to cultivate, now that I'm a professional twitterer].. [before I turn into a tree, I mean].. [maybe I'll be a "twittering tree," actually] [which is a very good tree to sit under if you're planning on doing some tweeting, it turns out]

in any case, yes: Dick Cavett has the likes of Mariel Hemingway tweeting him. But did her tweet have "tweet finesse?".. [me no think so]

Anyway, Dick's first tweet was written in rhyme, and mine [of course] followed suit. Maybe I should keep sending him "rhyming tweets" until he's moved to "tweet again."

"Ne'er shall I tweet agane."

"To tweet, or not to tweet".. (thus spake Dick Cavett) (not really, but "so to speak")

.. or.. "in a line so sweet.. ne'er did he agane tweet."

[just warming up here]

.. well, my angel.. I at least have that for my new resume. [since I'm deleting most of my life at this point]

"Yes, her life she did delete.. excepting Dick Cavett, whom she once did tweet.. (even fearing him too effete).. "..


.. what else. Oh. Okay, if I put on my "Seer's Turban".. (I'll bet you didn't even know I had one of those).. but, having donned my turban, I'm sensing you had a wonderful time last night. [even with all the humidity].. [what did you say about that humidity again?.. on your road blog, I mean..

.. [..]..

.. oh, you said it "bakes in the flavor." So, I have a feeling that's what happened. You were probably all hot and bothered and humid feeling all day long in anticipation of the event.. [in Miami, I mean].. but then it went exceptionally well. [except for that bit of drama with Sharon's wireless pack, which no doubt was swiftly remedied] [from the look of things]

oh, and I sense that the golf swing went over big, too.

You know, my angel.. the more I thought of you doing that golf swing, the more I liked it. Of course, I'm not sure it would work outside of Miami.

[remember, according to my new iPhone, I'm a golf expert.. so


As for me.. I'm still left in the lurch so far concerning my website. [and I'm a bit on the broke side just now, so that's not helping matters]

.. so

[bleh]

Oh, but as for Twitter.. I sort of have a "plan." But that's all I'm going to say about it. [don't worry, my angel, it doesn't involve you].. [I've troubled you enough with things, no doubt]

.. but it does involve

(I think I'll leave a cliff hanger here, actually:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gRM52eXcP0
FULL SCREEN..

anyway, I won't put this "twittering plan" into action until I have my website up and running.. so

(it'll be a while, it looks like)


So, now that I've stoked the "intrigue" factor.. I'll leave you to your own musings on that.

oh, and I'll leave you with something "Southern," as well.. (music wise, I mean).. (in honor of your touring down there)

Oh--first. Crazy cuz wants me to do a few jazz numbers with the band he's hired for his wedding. And, actually, his June wedding is in New Orleans, which will be my first time down there. (!)

.. so.. I'm sending him some song ideas, and he'll see if the band and I are at all on the same page with things. This could be a lot of fun.. [or my nervousness might just ruin the whole affair for me].. [I guess I'll find out]

Alright, my love. Just know that everything will be just fine, my darling. [just remember I said that] Oh, and in contrast to the hot 'n humid Southern leg of your tour, I'm sending you the "Christmas Card" shot I took just two days ago.. oh, as well as my warm and tender kiss.. x

(I miss you, my love).. (just so much)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Thls_tMuFkc
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx x.. xxx.. xx..

[Violet]

.. so.. uh.. "Leonard On Tour" just followed me??????????

.. um.. up until this point.. (follower wise).. I only had "the two." (and I'm not even sure who those two are, either)

.. oh, and I've been "favorited" by you guys, as well.

.. anyway, my angel.. thanks for that. (you should have seen the very big smile on my face when I saw that today. It's a "shot in the arm" at this point) (it really is)

Well, I saw that, and went for my bike ride early, so that I might catch some real sun for a change. And do you know as I rode I found myself getting all teary-eyed, and before I knew it, I was crying??

(my God, I must really have hit "dire straits" if I was crying over this)

.. but, yeah. I somehow felt all choked up.

(!)

Anyway, I'll be fine. I just have to get this darn site in order finally, since I feel it's sort of "Violet central" somehow, and that a lot will stem from that. (excuse the pun) But, yeah..

need to get that done, finally. [even if I have to just buck up, and start learning the dreaded………………... code]

[sound effect: that same cliff hanger stuff I just used in that last post]


.. alright, my darling. Oh--I started going up along the waterfall on the "Ophelia side" of our lake today. It's a bit tough getting in there, as it's all "brambly." But the water was coming down rather furiously, I guess given the snow and ice was beginning to melt today. Anyway, I'll post this pic, which is at the bottom of the falls. (the forest really looks a "wreck" I think)

.. okay, so.. I send again this tender and tattered little kiss of mine.. x.. (oh, and, rest up for tomorrow, my love--it's Atlanta, and that's gotta be a tough crowd)

.. (actually, let me see if I can find something for you, youtube way..

.. [..]..

.. (okay, here's a beautiful melody by Irving Berlin, which seems perfect for our time, it seems).. (you know, I could actually see you doing this one, my angel).. (maybe with a few dance moves thrown in for good measure).. (xx x..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtZrXzoaJvc
FULL SCREEN..

[Violet]

.. my angel, this is just a quick note to wish you well tonight. You say it's cold in Atlanta. [??]

.. here, I keep wondering if spring will ever arrive.

.. oh. I came upon this very succinct poem of mine, which I don't think I ever posted.

.. but first, my tender kiss.. x.. (and I'm hanging in there, my love..



I sleep beside you


I sleep beside you, and I

dream

the

snow


x

[Violet]

.. my angel, you must just be wrapping things up in Atlanta about now. I hope you had a great night.

.. I'm back here just to de-compress from

well, first: I admit I've been feeling a bit down today. And it got colder again, too.

.. anyway, things being what they are, I wound up just as you'd expect me to this evening: at twitter, where I've been honing my "twittering" skills. I went on a real twitter tear, you could say. But, I mean, when I discovered the hashtag: Six Word Film Plots, I knew I was in serious trouble. My last tweet on that was:

Touch of evil, side of coleslaw.

(just to demonstrate)

Okay, that's not exactly a "plot," but, I mean, what--are the "twitter police" gonna come and censure me or something for that?

(I guess I'll find out)

Here's one I tweeted with more of a plot line:

Terminator Seventeen: Yoga class. Takes nap.

[it's quite a discipline keeping to the six words]

.. so, yeah.. I did a number of those. And I tweeted Dick again, too. It's going to be a challenge, but I believe if I keep this rhyming tweeting scheme up, I may eventually get him out of de-tweetdom. I think I can. I mean, I'm going to pace myself, of course.. but I do think it's possible.

.. anyway, at the very least, I do think of it as a worthy challenge. (if you're going to tweet at all, that is)

Oh. Also: I decided you can't be the Leonard Cohen74 person. (it took a while for me to realize this) Yes, it seems he's a painter in the UK who does paintings inspired by your lyrics, as best I can tell. (and as you no doubt know) (given your tour is following him--oh, and that should have been the first clue, I think. I mean, would you really "follow" yourself??

Anyway, I'm glad that tweet I wrote 74 was in my "nano-tweet" code, or that could have been embarrassing (!)

.. only, now I've come upon "Leonard at The Leonard Cohen, The Dark Side".. and

well.. I don't know if that's you or not. Maybe. Hard to say.

(sigh)

.. alright, well.. I'm just sticking with the tour, then. Of course, it's good I've had the sort of training I've had in this back room of the forum, before venturing out into Twitterville. I mean, in that sense, I'm highly trained and prepared.

[thank you to all involved].. [you know who you are]

Oh, and I did my first "re-tweet" tonight, my angel. (I hope you like it)


.. alright, that's about it for now, my love.

oh, actually, I didn't tweet this one, since I thought it too obscure, but I realized that the Hitchcock film Vertigo really does have a six word plot line:

Defeated by vertigo, defeated by vertigo.

(who knew?)

.. alright, my love. I send you my warm and tender kiss good-night.. x.. (and here's the recent pic of you by Joshua Mellin of Time Out [for the Chicago performance], as I especially like it..

actually, speaking of Vertigo, and kisses..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAEtw9BXLkE
FULL SCREEN..

(I have to say, my darling.. that's one strange kiss!)

(I love you, my love)

[Violet]

.. my love, how are you? (I miss you)

.. well.. (as you may have seen).. I put together a hashtag on Twitter so I might tweet my fave quotes from reviews of yours while you're on tour. I'm not too sure if I have this set up right, since, by the time I write "@LeonardOnTour @TheFoxTheatre, and credit the quote, etc., there's like four characters left. So.. not too sure about this. But, I'm giving it a shot, at least.

for those untwittified, I quoted this from Tommy Housworth at ArtsTL.com [the review that was posted on the Atlanta thread]:

.. "sacred cathedral… by way of a… Parisian boudoir…"

yeah. (that's all I had room for)

.. then again (as Bill once said):

brevity is the soul of wit

just as I say:

tweeting is the

(ran out of characters)


You know, my angel.. even though it might LOOK as if I'm wasting my time at twitter just now, I'm really not.

.. no, this will all make sense some day. Just not now. (also, as long as I have Six Word Film Plots to worry about--actually, here's another one

(for the untwittified):

Good. Bad. Ugly. And so-so.


Anyway, my love, I really do think it will all work out. Yes, I'm hitting that website brick wall at present, but I'll get around that. And soon. (or else me and Albert Brooks will be locked inside of Twitter at least until Dick Cavett tweets again).. (and that could be a very long time).. (depending)

(remember, I'm "pacing myself")


oh--I think there may be a serious storm headed your way just now.

[wait a sec..

no, I think you're alright. There's some major storm activity in the mid-west, but I'm reading that Memphis will be in the fifties on Sunday, and partly sunny.. so

(thank God)


.. alright, speaking of.. I should get out there before the sun goes down, and before the Twitter Guards shut me and Albert Brooks inside that place. [it's happened to him before, and so it could happen to us both, then]

.. anyway, it seems you had another wonderful night while in Atlanta.

.. safe travels, my love.. x

oh, and I just HAVE to post this again. I mean, I know I've posted this before, but given your present destination, it's the song that's on my mind..

(I love you, my angel).. (and I really do miss you.. xx x).. (even in my present "twittered" state)

[this is out of sync, I'm afraid, but I like the sound on this]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Rrtdt1iko4
FULL SCREEN..

[Violet]

.. my angel, I just wanted to write something now for your early morning. You’re in Memphis, no doubt.

.. anyway, I went out to our lake this evening. I spent a long time taking photographs. And, you know, given I’m rather upset of late, given my frustration about a lot of things.. and now with this twitter thing, which of course distracts me, but gets me all “twittery” feeling.. and disconnected.. but

anyway, even with all that.. when I’m alone out there, I remember again how I feel. And you're close, again. And I feel calm. Partly, I get lost in what I’m doing. I keep following the dying light. I keep trying to capture how it pours through the forest, making of the trees such stunning silhouettes.

.. and I keep noticing how the light so softly caresses the snow.

.. and if I’ve complained of becoming a tree, I also don’t mind it.

Rather like the light, this hemlock was also caressing the snow. How lovely it was. And intimate.


.. alright, my love. I send again my tender kiss.. x.. (and if I don't talk to you before tomorrow night, have a wonderful time. I'm sure you will).. (you're like "light," my darling..

(and always I miss you..

[Violet]

.. my love, how are you today?

(I'm miserable. I miss you)

.. so.. next stop…………………. New Orleans?

(I'd love to see you in New Orleans)

.. (oh, and I hope you had a grand 'ol time last night in Memphis, my love, at that gorgeous looking theatre) [The Orpheum]


.. in any case, on this end of things, my friend M. reassures me that this New Zealand person is reliable, and will get around to helping me out with the website.. so

I'll see what happens this week.

Actually, I just read that last post I wrote you, and found it soothed me. I really should have willed myself out there again yesterday, but for some reason I just couldn't do it. Today there are flurries predicted, but maybe I'll get out there anyway, just to stave off absolute madness. (and sadness)

.. speaking of

(madness, I mean)

okay, I can see using twitter in a useful way, at some point. And maybe I'm even moving towards that.. but I've got to pace myself on this whole "Six Word Film Plot" thing.

speaking of: I think I'm going to have to issue my very first "twitter apology." Yeah. To Albert Brooks. Yes, I think I got a bit carried away with my own silliness yesterday. And, I mean, it's really just been to counteract the misery I've been just barely staving off. But, yeah.. I think I got a bit "obtuse" with some of my @AlbertBrooks Six Word thingies (!) Later on, it occurred to me he might even be offended. Well, maybe not "offended".. but quite possibly "baffled."

.. so.. yeah. I may need to, uh, "finesse"' that a bit. [to borrow my own--or, no, to "eat" my own word]

Actually, for those untwittified, here's my last Six Word Film Plot.. [unrelated to Albert Brooks, as it happens].. which I brilliantly came up with late last night:

French Connection you never made:

Popeye Doyle hot for Olive Oil.

[yeah. That's the caliber stuff we're talking about here]

(sigh)


.. oh, there's this "Not Will Ferrell" guy whom I'm following--and either you, or that Leonard74 person follows him, since I think that's how I found him. But he's very popular, with well over a million "followers." Anyway, it's somehow comforting having him around. He is entirely addicted to twitter, and tweets stuff.. [some of which isn't even that funny].. but still, it's a comfort knowing that he's there, workin' out the yuks ALL DAY LONG. The other night--actually, let me see if I can find this tweet

.. [..]..

.. yeah, so.. the other night I'm thinking it's time to call it quits on this whole twitter thing. Especially this #SixWordFilmPlot, which is now taking over my every waking moment..

so, yeah, I'm having thoughts like that when "Not Will" tweets:

Exit Twitter. Close Laptop... get into bed. Unlock phone.. Check Twitter.

I mean, it's just nice knowing there's someone right alongside me.. suffering, just as much as I am--if not more so. I mean, he has a lot of "followers" to try and satisfy.. so he must have that sort of "twitter pressure" on him all the time.

Actually, my "following" base has risen to nine, now, I think it is. Although, it is true I've entirely taken over the #SixWordFilmPlot section at twitter.. (which is probably pretty annoying to some people)

yeah. so. That's the twitter update.

oh, wait. I notice that people talking about your concerts on twitter get quoted on the various show threads here, and yet I don't know where on twitter these people are tweeting these comments. Not on your LeonardOnTour account. So.. I guess all over, then.


.. anyway, my angel.. I'll try to cheer up. And I do hope some day we will talk.

.. and again, I miss you, my love.. x


actually, I found this poem from a few years back. I edited it some.. (and am still working out the spacing).. but I thought it rather "sweet".. and so maybe you will too



Oh, sweet

I can imagine that if one so disposed
to holding himself back

well, how might such of his feelings be, if he were to

(to finally hold me)


oh, sweet.. that you are everything to me.
oh, sweet.. that you are darling, darling to me.
oh, sweet.. that you are.. my darling.. my darling sweet.


That we might lie upon such green green grasses, from where we’d gaze up at a drifting cloud, and
maybe just our fingers would be touching, though

in our faces

the whole sky would be contained (with souls and
fingers

so entwined)

.. and you’d laugh, and make me laugh (so sharply cruel,

though
just as kind)


oh, sweet, be not cruel to me.
oh, sweet, be but kind.. be but kind to me.
oh, sweet, give your love to me.
oh, sweet.. oh, sweet.. oh, sweet.


x

[Violet]

.. my darling sweet, how are you? I do hope you're enjoying Passover.. [and I wish the same to all here celebrating]

Today, seems better finally. I actually had to sleep in, as I'd been staying up late too many nights in a row, getting all "twittered." And so I've been rather "wired" feeling. I find the only way out of that is to watch old movies at night, and sleep in the next day. That usually does the trick. So, I'm still a bit tired feeling, but calm.

Actually, yesterday, I had just the warmest feelings about you, my angel. I didn't make it out to our lake, though, as I was feeling just so "done in." Still, I was able to relax a bit, finally.

.. (.. x..


Well, it sounds like people really enjoyed your Memphis show:

… He exuded poetry every time he opened his mouth, kneeled on stage or tipped his hat to the backup singers. Whether it was the songs I desperately wanted to hear -- “Famous Blue Raincoat,” “Suzanne,” “Who By Fire,” “If It Be Your Will,” among others -- or some of the new ones I wasn’t as familiar with, I was enthralled with Cohen's every move, mesmerized by his every word.

I hope everyone else in attendance last night felt even a shred of what I felt during the show, what I still feel today and what I likely will feel for a long, long time to come.

Now, this doesn't happen every day. And yet, given your tour, it almost does. [if you were performing every night, that is]

It does seem that performing right now is just exactly what you need to be doing, both for yourself, and all involved. It's just so lovely a thing, when that happens.


Well, my love, I've only briefly scanned twitter today, although [knowing me] I may come up with a few more Six Word Film Plots. [I retweeted you something, actually, from "Not Will"]

Oh--I have an idea for my next article for my site on a flick that's only come out recently [to try to keep this thing more current].. so, at least idea-wise things are percolating. [just need to get out to see that movie now] I have to get back to my screenplay, too, only I THOUGHT I'd be getting my website up and running first.

.. in any case, today I need to get out to our lake again. The sun keeps peeking out from behind the clouds.. and it's WARM, much warmer. [Auntie Em and Margery, both much happier]

.. alright, my darling sweet.. I'll be with you out in the wilds later on.. pondering what's to come.. (all my love to you, my angel.. x

[okay, even though I've not listened to Old Ideas for quite a while, this song is unaccountably "in" my mind today.. x x.. (just love it)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qEcTq78S690
FULL SCREEN..

[Violet]

.. alright, my darling. How are you?

You must be traveling.. maybe sailing over the clouds right now, even. New Orleans. (Banjo)


Actually.. [to switch the subject for a moment].. I had a realization about these poems of mine. You know, when I go into my "self wrath" mode, suddenly I can't even look at what I've posted, since I find it all so intolerable. But I've realized that this "self wrath" mode that I go into lacks objectivity.. since, when I look at the same poems when I'm more calm, and centered.. well, then they don't look half bad to me. I mean, they may need a little work, but they're not as detestable as my self wrath would have me think.

[??]

[usually what's in order is a good night's sleep, I think]

(sigh)


.. what else. You. Let's talk about you.

(you're everything, my darling)

.. what else.

(I'm kissing you on the plane, just now)


Well, I'm still a bit "out of it" feeling. Twitter has conquered me again. (but I'm not going to let them win, my angel. I'm really not)

(another sigh)

Actually this "Not Will" dude comes out with just the very worst sexist jokes sometimes. And, really, they're not even as good as his other jokes. I wish there was a way to "block" the crappy ones he does, and just allow in the good ones. [that's the problem with technology, they're trying, but they really can't "mind read"]

I got so annoyed by him yesterday, I even attempted to "reply" to a few of his tweets, but then I nixed the idea. I mean, I've only been at twitter a short time, and already I feel I've gotten into some manner of trouble. And, I mean, this is supposed to be "helping" what I'm attempting to do with this website. [the website that still never was].. [let's not talk about that right now]


.. anyway, my darling.. safe travels. (I'm afraid I'm wanting you terribly this morning).. [gosh, it's late morning already] Anyway, maybe some day in conversation things could be looked at. (some day, maybe)

oh. Here's a poem from over a year ago that's rather sad and soothing, I think.



Fallen muse


This time of night I view the sky
as not yet fallen

though I’ve no dreams
of ever losing you

sweetness, a somber bird is
calmly calling

a lovely muse that sings.


God, I have might, and this
ferociousness betimes of mind (thus

torn)

as heather clouds
do sooth;

and you alight
somewhere midst din
and music,

they raise a glass,
perchance,

and stand amused.


Though comes this
nighttide

where these sullen skies
are nearest

a love unseen,
I vanish in

this

room

and kiss my hand (as
if it were you,

dearest)

I hold it close,

your soft and

fallen

muse


x



.. lastly.. I wanted to "re-gift" this to you.. your own song. And while this youtube visual confection has its own virtues, I guess.. still, I'm realizing I really do need to get out there now with my video camera. I keep thinking of black and white, too. Even out in the wilds.. with all that wonderful color. And I keep thinking of photographing you. You know, I have to have beauty around me, my angel. And you are beauty to me.

.. another kiss, my love.. x

http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&featu ... DC_ozPpFvU
FULL SCREEN..

[Violet]

.. my love, how are you?

[later note: I've been having a bit of a hard time of late, and I removed what I had here, just because I think it could be misunderstood]


.. anyway, you're in New Orleans, which brings up a range of feelings in me, given what happened there not so very long ago.

.. still.. it's New Orleans. And I look forward to going there myself.

And Banjo is a wonderful song.. its playful "bobbing".. even given the grimness of the eventuality we're all "watching." But that's a good range of things for New Orleans.


.. alright, my angel. Be good tonight.. x.. (and I'll be okay. I'll figure things out..

(and yes, I miss you still)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rop4EpD2zqs
FULL SCREENING..

[Violet]

.. how are you, my angel?..

I had a feeling when I was writing about Banjo that you might not even play it, as you so seldom do.. but you did Show Me The Place, which I imagine would resonate down there especially.

From the look of things, it was a fantastic evening. [with even a tribute concert going on?]


.. as for me.. well

sometimes the internet can be a confusing place, and you get to the point where you don't know if you're coming or going.. so I guess that's what's happened. I've not slept much these past few days, and nothing seems very clear. And I fear sadness.

In any case, Easter weekend is here, and my brother is coming up. I'll be taking out the old-fashioned doughnut maker, actually. (there's nothing like a homemade old-fashioned doughnut) And he says he has some "palms" from church last week, which he's giving to me.

That reminds me, I found that little dried green stem in your Book of Mercy last night. Maybe I'll copy the page it was on [even as I believe I've written this passage here before]:


45

Not knowing where to go, I go to you. Not knowing where to turn,
I turn to you. Not knowing how to speak, I speak to you. Not knowing
what to hold, I bind myself to you. Having lost my way, I make my way
to you. Having soiled my heart, I lift my heart to you. Having wasted
my days, I bring the heap to you. The great highway covered with debris,
I travel on a hair to you. The wall smeared with filth, I go through a
pinhole of light. Blocked by every thought, I fly on the wisp of a remem-
brance. Defeated by silence, here is a place where the silence is more
subtle. And here is the opening in defeat. And here is the clasp of the
will. And here is the fear of you. And here is the fastening of mercy.
Blessed are you, in this man's moment. Blessed are you, whose presence
illuminates outrageous evil. Blessed are you who brings chains out of the
darkness. Blessed are you, who waits in the world. Blessed are you,
whose name is in the world.



.. well, I know I'm at this place where things are changing. This "incubating" of sorts in writing you here--here, where I've felt "safe" somehow to say things that one wouldn't ordinarily say to someone they've not met. But, yes, I realize this phase is needing to come to a close soon. And maybe something has even changed in me through all this. But not in ways easily described.

.. I don't know if we will ever converse. I do hope so. Even just in simple fashion, as I'm somehow feeling "invisible" at this point, and so it would help. It would help me to feel to be "in the world," as I'm needing now to feel that way.

In any case, as the holiday weekend is here, and my brother is coming up, I'll take this time away from the internet.. [at least I hope I will] And maybe that will help. I'm still worried about sadness, but maybe I'll get some rest, and get my mind on other things.

Have a great time in Kentucky. And I'll catch up with you soon.

.. my tender kiss to you, my love.. x

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMwbU-IpNdA
FULL SCREEN..

[Violet]

.. my love, how are you?

.. I didn't see your road blog before I posted last time, and so I missed the part about Roscoe Beck's sudden illness at the end of the New Orleans' concert. And now he's missed Louisville. I do wish him well, and a speedy recovery.

Actually, it was interesting seeing a picture of Javier Mas playing electric bass. (!)

oh, and I see you did a "I can't forget, but I don't remember what" on Closing Time.. (my love).. (turning it into something quite funny, too).. (x.. x


Well, I can't stay here long, as my brother's still here. It's been good to be with him. He can be so sweet.. (and he does make me laugh) We went for a walk at some point, then I did my bike ride out to our lake, where I saw some ducks where the lake is no longer frozen. And so spring truly has arrived.

Actually, I woke up early yesterday morning and wrote something, my angel.. as I was having such a hard time, and sometimes writing something down helps.

anyway, here's something of what I wrote, as maybe Easter is a good day to post this:


As I sat at my table yesterday waiting for the time when my brother was to arrive, something occurred to me.

Well, first.. [as I've been contemplating my latest screenplay].. there's my conception of Hamlet as the sun, with Ophelia the moon "enlightened" by Hamlet's tutelage.

.. the moon and the sun being the masculine and feminine principles, of which we are all comprised.

But, even when aligning myself solely with Ophelia,

well, there is this point at which she, too, emanates this "light".. (at least in terms of how I've conceived of her).. hers adrift atop the kind of knowledge that's not easily imparted, as it's a matter of "beingness."

But, in this "beingness".. she too is the light.. she too, in that, is the "sun."

And as I sat at my table yesterday it occurred to me that

[okay, and I say this with all the valid self criticism imaginable just in tow]

but in the vein of this "larger scope of things".. I realized

Well, no first:

if I've come to this rather difficult place that is my life right now, maybe in some ways it's to a purpose. Because in being brought to this place of "nothing" almost

in having "nothing"

I am also beholden to nothing.

I have no religion to speak of. I have no set spiritual discipline. No school will have me. No club. No group.

But in that, I owe nothing. I am allowed.. (even in my fairly deprived state just now).. but I've been allowed to "submerge" inside this place of my own "beingness."

And so, at my table on Friday--Good Friday [as it turns out]

but, somehow it occurred to me that

well, maybe I am the sun. I am the light. I am goodness.

.. even knowing all the darkness. All the contradiction. All the convolutedness.. and the utter despair of it all.

And I just sat there with that feeling for a while, hoping that through time I could hold on to it, in some way.

Only, I have this pain right now too. And I feel I could fill a thousand rivers with it.

Still, if I still say that things are okay. Things are alright. It's not that I'm denying this pain I'm in. Nor all the complications and contradictions and impossibilities that I feel to be beset with.

but maybe it's just as you said.. how it is we are all brought to love "like a refugee."


Of course, everything I'm saying and feeling just now will pass. And the morning will come when all the grimness is back. All the self doubt.

.. but if I've loved you all this time, my love.. maybe it's because in that I'm remembering the voice--your voice--that knows the darkness, as well as that manner of light that is "in spite of it all."

And I'm just telling this back to you. Because we forget. We all of us every minute are forgetting.


You know, sometimes I worry.. [with the economy being in the precarious state that it's in].. but what if I become homeless? What if I finally do lose everything? What if I'm out on the street, even?

.. right now I can just point to my breath. I can still breath. I can still feel this light coursing through me.. from the crown of my head right on through me. I can still stay in the light. I can breath, and stay in the light until I leave this place. And nothing will be taken from me, since already I'm "nothing."

And so, maybe everything truly is okay then. That's what I mean. And if it helps at all, then love me in your heart. (I know that it would help me)

I love you, my angel.


x


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HfvV5CDiiI
FULL SCREEN..

[Violet]

.. my love, how are you?

.. you must be traveling up to my neck of the woods. It's strange that you'll be so close by. And yes, I'm sad that I won't get to see you this time 'round.

.. well, I read Leif's blog regarding Louisville. My God. What a night. And it was Mitch Watkins on bass, not Javier.

And you did Avalanche. I do hope someone will post it.

oh, interesting quote from the item posted here from something called The Musical Box:

Anyhow was all sly carnal deviousness with Cohen singing his decrepit come-ons (“Even though
you have to have to hate me, could you hate me less?”) with the sort of whispery sleaze that
brought Frank Zappa’s I’m the Slime to mind.

.. interesting, since when I first heard the song, Frank Zappa actually did pop into my mind. (!)

.. [wait, let me listen a sec..

[to Old Ideas, that is]

yes, when you go:

I'm naked and I'm filthy and there's sweat upon my brow

it's your intonation in that line that had me thinking "Zappa," and so it's interesting that someone else picked up on that.


So, Leif also had some pics from inside the Palace Theatre [quite ornate].. and he spoke of its being haunted. [oh, and, just like when you were in Eastern Europe, I'm hoping you had Pants around, my angel, to protect you].. [actually, I haven't thought of Pants in a while] [Go Pants]

And lastly on this: vertigo?? Poor Roscoe may have vertigo??? I just looked it up, and that sounds quite a bit more involved than a simple case of food poisoning. In any case, I do hope all is well with him, and that he is getting what help he needs to be well on the mend.

.. anyway, his absence did seem to add quite a "spontaneous" dimension to the night's performance. [I wish I'd been there]


.. as for little ol' moi.. I'm a bit sad, having left my brother at the train a short while ago. I have to "re-direct" myself, now.

Oh--weird stuff on twitter. My latest "follower" is [blank]. [???????????????????]

[he must have liked my six-word film plots]

Yeah. [blank] is following me now. [I guess I could use some of his [blank] jargon at present]

[later note: for those who need some "brush up"..

[youtube link deleted]

.. so, yeah. I'll have to write a few tweets for him.

Oh, also, my angel. [I miss you, by the way] [very very much].. in any case, I realized I could do [blank].

.. yeah. I can start tweeting what I've written here on this thread so far. Only, the "twittified" version. Of course, I can't imagine just how many tweets it would take to do [blank] but I'm willing to find out.

I'm also wondering if I should start a more simple blog before I do the entire website, since this New Zealand dude is still evading me.

.. so. Hmm..


Anyway, my love. All is well. Honestly. [I know I got a bit "heavy" with that last post].. [I mean, it has been rough going, I admit that]

But, I'll figure this all out.

[later note: some of this post later removed]


.. alright, my love. Be well, and safe, and wonderful. And I do hope your friend Roscoe is much better now.

.. and I send again my tender kiss.. x.. (and I hope you do it up in Connecticut) (maybe inject some of that Southern vibe up "this aways".. xx x..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QODe-_JwQro
FULL SCREEN..

[Violet]

.. my love, how are you?

.. you know, I do believe there is a great deal that I understand, even sitting here half blind half the time. Still, I’ve come to learn in being out on this limb like this on this thread.. and even just in being here at the forum.. but, what I’ve learned most acutely is that there are “layers” to things.. to people.. to us all. It’s not as simple as “conflicts.” We have these dimensions. And there are times when there is a “flow” to things.. when all of this internal layering seems to be in harmony, and in that there can be a kind of peace, and well being. And then invariably there are those times—or those situations—that just don’t easily lend themselves to finding a resolution. And so I do take a great deal from that. From that understanding. It’s not that there isn’t caring there—or love, even.

.. and yet, even in that understanding, it’s painful. Still, I do hope that things will find a way of resolving themselves, and that we might actually converse some day.

For now, I know this has to be my last letter to you in this vein. I know that you’ll continue to have a wonderful time on your tour, and I do hope Roscoe Beck is better now, too.

.. my last tender kiss for now, my love.. x.. (and I’ll miss you)

[imaginary friend]

C'mon back here Violet.

You are missed....