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Inside the Sun

Inside the sun, there is no fire – fire cannot breathe
The protons share their body heat at ten million degrees
Upon that heat all life must feed, and in its light must learn to see
It’s the furnace of creation for us all
It’s the light that shines defiantly against the endless darkness
And never lets eternal darkness fall
It’s the light that brings that heat to us across the empty cold of space
And it’s the light that I see shining from your face

Inside the sun, I understand, one mighty note must ring
All other wavelengths cancel out on Amaterasu’s koto string
Heaven and hell reverberate, the earth would just disintegrate
If the ringing of that bell could carry here
From mountains down to molecules, everything but atoms
Would tremble, then fragment and disappear
And that’s the sound that swells in me, to my confusion and surprise
Every time I look into your eyes


© 2006, Aaron Black

Hi Aaaron, you weren't keen on my review of the Sweater poem but here is a thought about yours. You do show some awareness of rhythm and the idea here is not uninteresting. What is, unfortunately, most striking in your poem is that the last line is out of rhythm, 2 or 3 words short. Read it back and take a bit more time for a finish that you probably wanted to be poignant but actually spoils the piece because it is so clichéd and too abrupt. .


Alice

"I am not a number"

Dear Alice, I rather agreed with you about the Sweater poem but I disagree with you here.

Aaron marked his writing as "song lyrics" and "every time I look into your eyes" is certainly unoriginal but whereas it would be rather dull for a poem it is absolutely fine for a song IMO. BTW I can already hear myself humming lines like "The protons share their body heat at ten million degrees"!!

All the Best

Simon

Thanks, Simon...

Alice -

Yeah - what he said.



Having performed this song live hundreds of times, I can assure you that the rhythm of the last line works just fine.
There is a bit if a ritardando at the end - which is admittedly difficult to capture in print...

And - after taking my listeners down such an atypical path for a love song, I think many appreciate the resolution of each verse into a familiar and simplistic cliche.

Of course all are most welcome to listen to this and my other songs by clicking the links in my signature block, and decide for themselves...


Oh - and I can't get my Myspace page to play the songs on it for me, but if you can, I have my cover of "I'm Your Man" up there - which I would hope some folks around here might enjoy.

:End shameless self-promotion here:

Thanks,
Aaron

Aaron, I listened to this song and I'm Your Man- well done.

Alice

"I am not a number"

Hi Alice,

Thank you!

-Aaron